Soft Revolutions- The End

** edited as previous post indicated for privacy.

This post will mark the end of the blog on Edmonton. This last post will be up for a very short period of time and personal. I debated even putting it up, but as most of the people reading are like family to me, there's no reason to keep from sharing. Just be nice and don't tell me I told you so.

Soft Revolution

“We are here to take the blame/ to take the taunts and the shame/ we are here to make you feel/ it terrifies you, but it’s real / It will keep you up all night, and in the flood of the morning light, spilling out across your room, you’ll say the words, we’ll get there soon…
The revolution wasn’t bad, we hit the streets with all we had…and a dream inside our heads, and after changing everything, we couldn’t tell, we couldn’t sing. ’

- Stars, ‘Soft Revolution’- Set Yourself on Fire - Arts & Crafts 2007

Self-Explanatory

Let's see how good all of you are at analyzing images and songs:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6bHPk4Vx84

Flaming Lips- Do you Realize
Clap your Hands Say Yeah- Home on Ice
The Pixies- I bleed
The Acorn- Heirlooms
Gwen Stefani - Early Winter
Shotgun Rules- Funeral Starts with Fun
Yo La Tengo- I shot Any Warhol
Frank Sinatra- New york, New York
Daniel Lanois- the Deadly Nightshade
and then......

Weezer- My name is Jonas!



we're optimistic about the future but there's a lot of stuff we need to deal with before December 16th rolls around.

Incidentally, ALL of the above songs came on randomly from my shuffle option and it was frightening how suitable they were for us this morning.

Birthday Weekend!

I'm going to attempt to make sure this post doesn't go too long because guess what? I had an AWESOME birthday weekend!

See that cake? Someone very special made it for me. Actually I got kicked out of the flat on my birthday to go for a mani/pedi (thanks mum!)while it was being baked (complete with oreo icing). We've been eating that cake for breakfast and lunch SINCE Friday now. Traditionally it always snows on my birthday, but instead it was glorious here.

While these days (november 6 and 7th) are traditionally one big party as my friends and I are scorpio-central, Ashton kept me so busy so that I wouldn't miss them.

he's the best!

we were to go out to one of the best vegeterian restaurant's in canada, padamandis and it was even their monthly all-you-can-eat buffet dinner but once we got there there was a line for over an hour, so disappointed we wandered the DODGIEST part of Chinatown going in and out of restaurants to look at menus for food we could eat. We must have gone into at least half a dozen by the time we had just decided to turn around and go home when there was this hole in the wall shop that popped up declaring 'vegeterian oriental food'- it was even better than Padamandis. I couldn't help but to be like, 'see God wanted us to find this place!' We had four courses that consisted of wonton soup, rice rolls, szechuan 'beef' and lemon 'chicken' that we're both still going on (re: drooling) about.

on to the most exciting part of the plan- aside from the really nice bottle of champagne Ashton got for us to share later that night, ahem. Now Ashton and I are NEVER on time for anything - it's just not in the stars but when we arrived at the theatre we were able to get front row seats! So every Saturday I listen to CBC religiously including the variety show called 'Go'. Actually, I listen to CBC pretty much always so the theme of the show 'CBC Families' was completely appropriate. We snagged free tickets to it too.

Poor Ashton could only guess, 'is it rex Murphy?' for all of the quiz show parts while I was doing everything NOT to shout out the answers to the onstage contestants. The concept was if you had grown up listening to CBC you would know all about it. The musical guest was Colleen Brown who is a current fixture on radio 3. I had a chance to chat with the host Brent Bambury after the show and he said he misses Ottawa lots. We laughed so hard our sides hurt. I've resolved that I need to get out to other CBC tapings as they're just so much fun!

Host of Go, Brent Bambry and myself - very cool guy. Please mr. Bambry can you give me a job with the CBC?!

We were kind of lazy for the rest of the weekend except for indulging in this insane vegan pizza from the Funky Pickle 'edomonton's BEST pizza'. We finished a LARGE pizza between the two of us within about 20 minutes. I also caught the new Coen Bros. film, 'an ordinary man' today while Ashton tried to sleep so he could do the night shift at the shelter. I need to see it again because in typical coen bros. style the end was so open-ended and just downright haunting. I loved how there weren't major hollywood actors featured in it... I digress, my film nerdiness is coming out.

Thank you for all of the lovely emails and cards, and phone calls on Friday- they meant so much to me. I love my friends and family dearly and there were well wishes from Germany, the UK, America, Scotland, Japan, and all over Ontario and Quebec.

Another exciting announcement- I bought my ticket back to Ottawa, ontario! I'll be back in ottawa as of December 16th until January 1st! We're really excited and can't wait to spend time with so many of you.


love and miss you all! xoxo

- Samantha

ok, so while I have been feeling better with socializing lately the REAL reason I'm staying in Edmonton is this...



Be warned, ashton and I's sushi adventure is next to come.


* a preview

Halloween

sorry about the hiatus last week, I was confined to bed from last Friday until this past Saturday. The flu bug hit- not swine flu, though for a while I definitely felt like death had warmed over.

I'm feeling better now, still have a very unattractive cough and sensitive stomache but Ashton's been amazing in looking after me. (like better than anyone save my mother could have). I've been cooped up inside since then so yesterday was what an excuse to get out and have some fun on the town!

Keep in mind, where we live, one block off Whyte, is THE main bar strip and Halloween it seems has been taken over by drunken adults looking for another excuse to 'pull'. When we were walking to the grocery store we saw not one, but four giant pickles as well as pirates skateboarding along.

I went as a grand ol' opree cowgirl (think a LOT of PINK). I had this western style dress kicking around and some rockin' cowboy boots therefore, just needed the hat (also pink). It seemed appropriate, being alberta and all, but I have a sneaking suspicion that had I worn that same outfit on any other day here, it wouldn't have raised any eye brows. Oh, Alberta...

Ashton's look on the other hand, frightened me. He's shaved off the whole beard to keep only- bad sideburns and a stupid (yes, I'll call it that, even here. I refuse to kiss him right now, it's too disturbing!) He got these giant glasses, pullover vest, mcdonalds tie, and then stole my hair gel to have this horrible comb over. What a pair huh?

We had been invited to a house party, which I thought was to be a typical non-descript drink until you puke up green gummy worms Halloween ordeal but it was anything but. Anyone familiar with the film SHORTBUS? Well, think about that minus the hedonism. We got there after encountering some of the whyte ave crazies, this time a 'camel' being 'rode' by two men. I wasn't allowed to buy any candy. :(

Anyways, I don't know how to describe how cool this house party concept was- freak show meets carnival? The people had cleared out their house to create this maze made out of bed sheets hung up but with pillows and different turns that brought you to an old time radio or candy or just a really cool group of people just chilling. In closets (though you wouldn't know it) there was video art displays and places to watch as well as your own opportunities to create art including another room covered with maps on the floor and art/light installations of 'body mapping'. Everyone got a mini light to try to find things on the maps, or they could just play with old slides. Be warned however, there was a 'confession booth' where you went in and confessed whatever to have it typewritten up and then placed on a wall of shame. mine: I'm vegan but I'm totally going to eat an oh henry bar tonight. (I didn't.)

So those were the FIRST two rooms, and I ended up going with a stranger to the bathroom (what?) because there was an art installation there as well. The whole time there was a dj spinning crazy music in the living room and people taking photographs. Performance art was a must and there had been microphones and video cameras placed through out the house to mix into the performance art (dancing? but also?) The night ended with a drag-strip performance and we danced all around them.

The whole thing sounds super pretentious, but it wasn't. It was the most non-judgemental people I've met in a long while. Everything was VERY queer/GLBQT friendly and centered without drawing attention to itself. And the costumes were incredible! There was a broken down wind up doll, Ziggy Stardust complete with their boyfriend of Freddie Mercury, but who am I to talk, as I spent a good part of my night hanging out with a pregnant salmon, complete with spawn.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to recognize some of these people around campus so that we can hang out more, but this one event is going to keep me positive about edmonton for a while. And truthfully, I'm REALLY looking forward to going back to work, albeit I know I'll have TONS of work to do tomorrow.

Take care all of you, hope you didn't overdose on the Halloween fare.

Between the High Level Bridge and Bonnie Doon

Edmonton’s High Level Bridge seperates downtown Whyte from the residential, and much more suburban Bonnie Doon area. There are schools, parks, a mall. Pretty standard. The Bridge in itself is worth looking for. It cascades over a river valley with hundreds of year old sycamores and pines fighting for their natural place. The homeless and addicts that stalk Whyte Avenue live beneath this bridge. Their business so dangerous and frightening, even bored teenagers interested in a late night dip, refuse to descend.

I’ve never seen him anywhere but the space between High Level and Bonnie Doon. I can remember reading somewhere that in a new city, it is the familiar sites that make it feel like home. This boy has no home, nor does he know that someone he’s never even met cares about him. His story seems worth telling, the little that I do know.

The first time I saw him I observed a very angry young man that made me nervous to be near. He was attempting to squeegee some cars along Whyte Avenue. He was cursing and pacing wildly. A motorist hadn’t paid his fare. On my way back home I noticed a bus shelter window that only 10 minutes before hadn’t been smashed.

I really took notice of this man, a boy really, when I went to drop something off at the youth shelter just past the bridge a few weeks ago. Getting off the bus I saw this boy run into oncoming traffic. He begged and threw himself onto cars screaming for death. I was horrified and called the shelter immediately to see if they could come comfort him. I imagine he wasn’t admitted to the shelter just then. Either he chose to be a very angry young man and buy into a whole image of rebellion, or he had been dealt a particularly hard life. I chose to believe the latter.

I was frightened just being talking on the phone about him when he stood beside me, spit dribbling from his lips and firey words spewing forth. I tried not to look directly him for fear that he would be violent towards me. I was truly scared. Still swearing, he made wild gestures and stared through my eyes, his own the blackest of black. I stopped talking. I prayed for the traffic light signal to turn so I could leave.

People yelled the same profanities back and honked their horns loudly as a shelter worker rushed out moments too late. He had tired of bouncing off the car hoods and raced off in the direction of the mall. Most likely, he could be temporarily anonymous there. I pointed in the direction that he had gone and tried to express what I had witnessed. What could make a youth so angry that he could invoke death right before me?

A week later I had an errand to run in the same neighbourhood. He got on in the exact same place that he had first entered my life, but this time quiet. When he did speak his voice was deep and raspy as if he had smoked 50 cigarettes that day. Only once he got onto the bus it was apparent that he was on something. There were seats free but he stuffed his sleeping bag onto the front beside the driver and folded his body onto it, appearing as if wanting to sleep, but given that it was at the entrance of the bus, it made no sense. When a passenger climbed aboard he yelled groaned until at last yelling in his raspy voice, ‘hey! I’m trying to sleep here!’ along with some choice cuss words.

The bus driver promptly stopped the bus and kicked him off. He slammed down his worn sleeping bag onto a bench then turned and swore and made more rude gestures as the bus as it, and myself, sped off safely away from him.

On my way to the health clinic I had to stop in at the convenience store on a particularly grey morning. It was just below freezing and snow was threatening to fall. About to enter I heard that raspy voice, ‘spare some change?’. Beside the 7-11, he was crouched with no mitts on the curb. Recognizing that this was the suicidal boy that frightened me, I quickly shook my head no. In the store I couldn’t decide if I should get him a cup of tea, as it was so cold outside, or if he would just throw it on me, after seeing his angry outburst previously. I debated also if I should let the clerks know that he was soliciting but figured he best be left be. I wasn’t sure if one of the clerks had taken pity on him and given him this care package or had asked him to leave.

Moments after getting checked into the clinic he ducked before reception to find himself a spot in the same waiting room. He smelled bad and immediately everyone looked up; a musk of sweat, dirt and vomit. Given his constant coughing and clearing of throat, his presence was not out of the ordinary.

I found this interesting- maybe he had learned to be quiet in order to be warm and to get what he wanted. I figured he had probably been banned from the local mall like so many other homeless youth, so he’d had have to find other neutral places to stay warm. Winter in Edmonton spells the end for many of the city’s homeless. This poor boy was just trying to survive.

I avoided looking directly at him. His smell and sounds a constant reminder of his existence. He had on oversized skater shoes under his uniform grey trench and ripped jeans. I questioned why so many privileged children would go out of their way to look like him. Dirty, filthy, sick, and smelly- undesirable.

What had made him become so unwanted that he had to find refuge in a place of sickness and bad country music. I turned the page of my book and pretended to read. My bookmark a plane ticket, I wondered if he had ever gone anywhere, if he was from the city, or if he would ever escape.

He took out a bag from the 7-11 and drank a vitamin water then started to shake a box of Kraft Dinner. He stared at it intensely, as if memorizing every detail of the box. My concern was that one of the clerk’s had given him this box of kraft dinner in good intention not realizing he had no home to cook it in. He had no pots, no pans, no butter, no milk; this box of food as a torture method, each time he shook it, a reminder of his lack thereof.

Where would he cook it, I wondered. Could I invite him into my home? No, I was sick and that was silly. Where could he go to simply try to get a meal. Did he even know how to cook Kraft dinner? He kept turning it, slower than ever. The noise of the pasta echo added torment to the constant waiting of the rest of the room.

“Samantha?” The nurse called. I got up to see my doctor, making a deliberate effort to walk on the other side of him. We coughed in unison.

As I bundled up to leave, I noticed he was gone. Had he been asked to leave again?
Another woman was waiting silently at the bus stop, he was standing to her right.

‘Excuse me,’ I looked up, ‘Do you have a spare bus ticket?’ He was remarkably polite in the request. His face was so pale. He had the blonde beginnings of a beard and green eyes. He was wearing a hood with ball cap over top.

‘I’ve been asking everyone,’ He stammered. It became apparent that he was no more than 16.

‘uh, yeah,’ I shook my head and dug out an extra ticket, ‘here.’ I placed it in his dirt-smeared hand.

‘thank you so much! I’ve been asking everyone and no one had one.’ He let a small smile show. His kraft dinner shifted in the small bag.

‘No problem’ I replied and wondered where his sleeping bag had gone to. I kept my head bowed.


Getting on before him I rushed to the back of the bus, still nervous about my act.

I was quickly relieved. ‘Barry!’ a young woman called out beckoning for him to sit with her, ‘I haven’t seen you in ages.’

Do you have Swine Flu? a government issued poll

8. What are the symptoms of pandemic H1N1 influenza virus?

The symptoms of pandemic H1N1 influenza virus in Canada have been generally mild, but illness can be severe for some individuals. The symptoms are similar to seasonal influenza and may include:

* Sudden onset of fever and cough; YES
* Fatigue; YES
* Muscle aches; YES
* Lack of appetite; YES
* Some people may also experience a runny nose, sore throat, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. YES

So to update you on what's going on, see above. I'm heading to the clinic shortly.

xo

Sundays are the worst

Not much happened this week in terms of events. I can happily report that the snow is gone! This weekend Ashton and I had a lazy Saturday together- made a fancy Italian dinner. Besides that, I went to work and Ashton to school. Getting all of his assignments done on time has been a struggle and I’ve had a hard time with his perceived disregard for school so a new plan was implemented that I don’t much like, but it forces him to complete everything (and it’s been working ). I proofread and edit as well as supply ideas if I can for anything related. I’ve been leaving him on his own to work, which kind of isolates me because he’s the only friend I have here.

Yesterday I went to this really old cinema called the ‘Princess Theatre’ to see the new Ricky Gervais film ‘The Invention of Lying’ while I left him to work. It reminded me of the old theatre in Renfrew, Ontario (an old converted opera house). It had Greek frescoes and molded sculptures into the sides. I sat up on the balcony and thought to myself, my God, I can’t escape my film studies background. It’s interesting because even though attending films can be a very solitary experience – you are in the dark and not encouraged to interact with others- it is a widely acceptable social experience in that you are NOT alone. You are in fact engaging with the same material as all the others around you as a temporary community. Not that this film was particularly high-brow art film, but all the same, just watching people enter and performing this social ritual. I skipped out on the popcorn and brought tea instead. (can you tell I’m dying to write more on the subject?)

So this brings me to something rather important. Since I’ve started working for the university this September, I’ve missed school. My mother has revealed that she’s shocked I’m not in school. I’ve been considering applying for my MA in film studies for the last year or so, and getting the marks to prove it. I’m now looking into taking a few film classes here to be counted towards my MA application. *the classes at u of a are not as recognizable in film as say Carleton, but regardless it will help speed up the process. I’m not sure if I’m going to get into the MA program immediately, but they have a qualifying here that fingers crossed would accept me. From being away from school, and not being a huge fan of admin work I’ve realized that going back to school would in fact be a step towards becoming me desirable for employment in my field of choice: writing. However, in order to be able to do that I need money, and the easiest way is to stay in my current job. And the film festival director job, which is already stressing me out, is definitely proof enough of how dedicated I am to the degree.

Sorry for not being as entertaining as I have been in the past weeks, I’m having a hard day. I’ve been feeling really disconnected from life in Ottawa. The church bells up the street woke me up and reminded me of zipping past parliament on my way to a gig or the market, therefore the crocodile tears came a’ tumbling.

Thinking of all of you,
- Samantha

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