Soft Revolutions- The End

** edited as previous post indicated for privacy.

This post will mark the end of the blog on Edmonton. This last post will be up for a very short period of time and personal. I debated even putting it up, but as most of the people reading are like family to me, there's no reason to keep from sharing. Just be nice and don't tell me I told you so.

Soft Revolution

“We are here to take the blame/ to take the taunts and the shame/ we are here to make you feel/ it terrifies you, but it’s real / It will keep you up all night, and in the flood of the morning light, spilling out across your room, you’ll say the words, we’ll get there soon…
The revolution wasn’t bad, we hit the streets with all we had…and a dream inside our heads, and after changing everything, we couldn’t tell, we couldn’t sing. ’

- Stars, ‘Soft Revolution’- Set Yourself on Fire - Arts & Crafts 2007

Self-Explanatory

Let's see how good all of you are at analyzing images and songs:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6bHPk4Vx84

Flaming Lips- Do you Realize
Clap your Hands Say Yeah- Home on Ice
The Pixies- I bleed
The Acorn- Heirlooms
Gwen Stefani - Early Winter
Shotgun Rules- Funeral Starts with Fun
Yo La Tengo- I shot Any Warhol
Frank Sinatra- New york, New York
Daniel Lanois- the Deadly Nightshade
and then......

Weezer- My name is Jonas!



we're optimistic about the future but there's a lot of stuff we need to deal with before December 16th rolls around.

Incidentally, ALL of the above songs came on randomly from my shuffle option and it was frightening how suitable they were for us this morning.

Birthday Weekend!

I'm going to attempt to make sure this post doesn't go too long because guess what? I had an AWESOME birthday weekend!

See that cake? Someone very special made it for me. Actually I got kicked out of the flat on my birthday to go for a mani/pedi (thanks mum!)while it was being baked (complete with oreo icing). We've been eating that cake for breakfast and lunch SINCE Friday now. Traditionally it always snows on my birthday, but instead it was glorious here.

While these days (november 6 and 7th) are traditionally one big party as my friends and I are scorpio-central, Ashton kept me so busy so that I wouldn't miss them.

he's the best!

we were to go out to one of the best vegeterian restaurant's in canada, padamandis and it was even their monthly all-you-can-eat buffet dinner but once we got there there was a line for over an hour, so disappointed we wandered the DODGIEST part of Chinatown going in and out of restaurants to look at menus for food we could eat. We must have gone into at least half a dozen by the time we had just decided to turn around and go home when there was this hole in the wall shop that popped up declaring 'vegeterian oriental food'- it was even better than Padamandis. I couldn't help but to be like, 'see God wanted us to find this place!' We had four courses that consisted of wonton soup, rice rolls, szechuan 'beef' and lemon 'chicken' that we're both still going on (re: drooling) about.

on to the most exciting part of the plan- aside from the really nice bottle of champagne Ashton got for us to share later that night, ahem. Now Ashton and I are NEVER on time for anything - it's just not in the stars but when we arrived at the theatre we were able to get front row seats! So every Saturday I listen to CBC religiously including the variety show called 'Go'. Actually, I listen to CBC pretty much always so the theme of the show 'CBC Families' was completely appropriate. We snagged free tickets to it too.

Poor Ashton could only guess, 'is it rex Murphy?' for all of the quiz show parts while I was doing everything NOT to shout out the answers to the onstage contestants. The concept was if you had grown up listening to CBC you would know all about it. The musical guest was Colleen Brown who is a current fixture on radio 3. I had a chance to chat with the host Brent Bambury after the show and he said he misses Ottawa lots. We laughed so hard our sides hurt. I've resolved that I need to get out to other CBC tapings as they're just so much fun!

Host of Go, Brent Bambry and myself - very cool guy. Please mr. Bambry can you give me a job with the CBC?!

We were kind of lazy for the rest of the weekend except for indulging in this insane vegan pizza from the Funky Pickle 'edomonton's BEST pizza'. We finished a LARGE pizza between the two of us within about 20 minutes. I also caught the new Coen Bros. film, 'an ordinary man' today while Ashton tried to sleep so he could do the night shift at the shelter. I need to see it again because in typical coen bros. style the end was so open-ended and just downright haunting. I loved how there weren't major hollywood actors featured in it... I digress, my film nerdiness is coming out.

Thank you for all of the lovely emails and cards, and phone calls on Friday- they meant so much to me. I love my friends and family dearly and there were well wishes from Germany, the UK, America, Scotland, Japan, and all over Ontario and Quebec.

Another exciting announcement- I bought my ticket back to Ottawa, ontario! I'll be back in ottawa as of December 16th until January 1st! We're really excited and can't wait to spend time with so many of you.


love and miss you all! xoxo

- Samantha

ok, so while I have been feeling better with socializing lately the REAL reason I'm staying in Edmonton is this...



Be warned, ashton and I's sushi adventure is next to come.


* a preview

Halloween

sorry about the hiatus last week, I was confined to bed from last Friday until this past Saturday. The flu bug hit- not swine flu, though for a while I definitely felt like death had warmed over.

I'm feeling better now, still have a very unattractive cough and sensitive stomache but Ashton's been amazing in looking after me. (like better than anyone save my mother could have). I've been cooped up inside since then so yesterday was what an excuse to get out and have some fun on the town!

Keep in mind, where we live, one block off Whyte, is THE main bar strip and Halloween it seems has been taken over by drunken adults looking for another excuse to 'pull'. When we were walking to the grocery store we saw not one, but four giant pickles as well as pirates skateboarding along.

I went as a grand ol' opree cowgirl (think a LOT of PINK). I had this western style dress kicking around and some rockin' cowboy boots therefore, just needed the hat (also pink). It seemed appropriate, being alberta and all, but I have a sneaking suspicion that had I worn that same outfit on any other day here, it wouldn't have raised any eye brows. Oh, Alberta...

Ashton's look on the other hand, frightened me. He's shaved off the whole beard to keep only- bad sideburns and a stupid (yes, I'll call it that, even here. I refuse to kiss him right now, it's too disturbing!) He got these giant glasses, pullover vest, mcdonalds tie, and then stole my hair gel to have this horrible comb over. What a pair huh?

We had been invited to a house party, which I thought was to be a typical non-descript drink until you puke up green gummy worms Halloween ordeal but it was anything but. Anyone familiar with the film SHORTBUS? Well, think about that minus the hedonism. We got there after encountering some of the whyte ave crazies, this time a 'camel' being 'rode' by two men. I wasn't allowed to buy any candy. :(

Anyways, I don't know how to describe how cool this house party concept was- freak show meets carnival? The people had cleared out their house to create this maze made out of bed sheets hung up but with pillows and different turns that brought you to an old time radio or candy or just a really cool group of people just chilling. In closets (though you wouldn't know it) there was video art displays and places to watch as well as your own opportunities to create art including another room covered with maps on the floor and art/light installations of 'body mapping'. Everyone got a mini light to try to find things on the maps, or they could just play with old slides. Be warned however, there was a 'confession booth' where you went in and confessed whatever to have it typewritten up and then placed on a wall of shame. mine: I'm vegan but I'm totally going to eat an oh henry bar tonight. (I didn't.)

So those were the FIRST two rooms, and I ended up going with a stranger to the bathroom (what?) because there was an art installation there as well. The whole time there was a dj spinning crazy music in the living room and people taking photographs. Performance art was a must and there had been microphones and video cameras placed through out the house to mix into the performance art (dancing? but also?) The night ended with a drag-strip performance and we danced all around them.

The whole thing sounds super pretentious, but it wasn't. It was the most non-judgemental people I've met in a long while. Everything was VERY queer/GLBQT friendly and centered without drawing attention to itself. And the costumes were incredible! There was a broken down wind up doll, Ziggy Stardust complete with their boyfriend of Freddie Mercury, but who am I to talk, as I spent a good part of my night hanging out with a pregnant salmon, complete with spawn.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to recognize some of these people around campus so that we can hang out more, but this one event is going to keep me positive about edmonton for a while. And truthfully, I'm REALLY looking forward to going back to work, albeit I know I'll have TONS of work to do tomorrow.

Take care all of you, hope you didn't overdose on the Halloween fare.

Between the High Level Bridge and Bonnie Doon

Edmonton’s High Level Bridge seperates downtown Whyte from the residential, and much more suburban Bonnie Doon area. There are schools, parks, a mall. Pretty standard. The Bridge in itself is worth looking for. It cascades over a river valley with hundreds of year old sycamores and pines fighting for their natural place. The homeless and addicts that stalk Whyte Avenue live beneath this bridge. Their business so dangerous and frightening, even bored teenagers interested in a late night dip, refuse to descend.

I’ve never seen him anywhere but the space between High Level and Bonnie Doon. I can remember reading somewhere that in a new city, it is the familiar sites that make it feel like home. This boy has no home, nor does he know that someone he’s never even met cares about him. His story seems worth telling, the little that I do know.

The first time I saw him I observed a very angry young man that made me nervous to be near. He was attempting to squeegee some cars along Whyte Avenue. He was cursing and pacing wildly. A motorist hadn’t paid his fare. On my way back home I noticed a bus shelter window that only 10 minutes before hadn’t been smashed.

I really took notice of this man, a boy really, when I went to drop something off at the youth shelter just past the bridge a few weeks ago. Getting off the bus I saw this boy run into oncoming traffic. He begged and threw himself onto cars screaming for death. I was horrified and called the shelter immediately to see if they could come comfort him. I imagine he wasn’t admitted to the shelter just then. Either he chose to be a very angry young man and buy into a whole image of rebellion, or he had been dealt a particularly hard life. I chose to believe the latter.

I was frightened just being talking on the phone about him when he stood beside me, spit dribbling from his lips and firey words spewing forth. I tried not to look directly him for fear that he would be violent towards me. I was truly scared. Still swearing, he made wild gestures and stared through my eyes, his own the blackest of black. I stopped talking. I prayed for the traffic light signal to turn so I could leave.

People yelled the same profanities back and honked their horns loudly as a shelter worker rushed out moments too late. He had tired of bouncing off the car hoods and raced off in the direction of the mall. Most likely, he could be temporarily anonymous there. I pointed in the direction that he had gone and tried to express what I had witnessed. What could make a youth so angry that he could invoke death right before me?

A week later I had an errand to run in the same neighbourhood. He got on in the exact same place that he had first entered my life, but this time quiet. When he did speak his voice was deep and raspy as if he had smoked 50 cigarettes that day. Only once he got onto the bus it was apparent that he was on something. There were seats free but he stuffed his sleeping bag onto the front beside the driver and folded his body onto it, appearing as if wanting to sleep, but given that it was at the entrance of the bus, it made no sense. When a passenger climbed aboard he yelled groaned until at last yelling in his raspy voice, ‘hey! I’m trying to sleep here!’ along with some choice cuss words.

The bus driver promptly stopped the bus and kicked him off. He slammed down his worn sleeping bag onto a bench then turned and swore and made more rude gestures as the bus as it, and myself, sped off safely away from him.

On my way to the health clinic I had to stop in at the convenience store on a particularly grey morning. It was just below freezing and snow was threatening to fall. About to enter I heard that raspy voice, ‘spare some change?’. Beside the 7-11, he was crouched with no mitts on the curb. Recognizing that this was the suicidal boy that frightened me, I quickly shook my head no. In the store I couldn’t decide if I should get him a cup of tea, as it was so cold outside, or if he would just throw it on me, after seeing his angry outburst previously. I debated also if I should let the clerks know that he was soliciting but figured he best be left be. I wasn’t sure if one of the clerks had taken pity on him and given him this care package or had asked him to leave.

Moments after getting checked into the clinic he ducked before reception to find himself a spot in the same waiting room. He smelled bad and immediately everyone looked up; a musk of sweat, dirt and vomit. Given his constant coughing and clearing of throat, his presence was not out of the ordinary.

I found this interesting- maybe he had learned to be quiet in order to be warm and to get what he wanted. I figured he had probably been banned from the local mall like so many other homeless youth, so he’d had have to find other neutral places to stay warm. Winter in Edmonton spells the end for many of the city’s homeless. This poor boy was just trying to survive.

I avoided looking directly at him. His smell and sounds a constant reminder of his existence. He had on oversized skater shoes under his uniform grey trench and ripped jeans. I questioned why so many privileged children would go out of their way to look like him. Dirty, filthy, sick, and smelly- undesirable.

What had made him become so unwanted that he had to find refuge in a place of sickness and bad country music. I turned the page of my book and pretended to read. My bookmark a plane ticket, I wondered if he had ever gone anywhere, if he was from the city, or if he would ever escape.

He took out a bag from the 7-11 and drank a vitamin water then started to shake a box of Kraft Dinner. He stared at it intensely, as if memorizing every detail of the box. My concern was that one of the clerk’s had given him this box of kraft dinner in good intention not realizing he had no home to cook it in. He had no pots, no pans, no butter, no milk; this box of food as a torture method, each time he shook it, a reminder of his lack thereof.

Where would he cook it, I wondered. Could I invite him into my home? No, I was sick and that was silly. Where could he go to simply try to get a meal. Did he even know how to cook Kraft dinner? He kept turning it, slower than ever. The noise of the pasta echo added torment to the constant waiting of the rest of the room.

“Samantha?” The nurse called. I got up to see my doctor, making a deliberate effort to walk on the other side of him. We coughed in unison.

As I bundled up to leave, I noticed he was gone. Had he been asked to leave again?
Another woman was waiting silently at the bus stop, he was standing to her right.

‘Excuse me,’ I looked up, ‘Do you have a spare bus ticket?’ He was remarkably polite in the request. His face was so pale. He had the blonde beginnings of a beard and green eyes. He was wearing a hood with ball cap over top.

‘I’ve been asking everyone,’ He stammered. It became apparent that he was no more than 16.

‘uh, yeah,’ I shook my head and dug out an extra ticket, ‘here.’ I placed it in his dirt-smeared hand.

‘thank you so much! I’ve been asking everyone and no one had one.’ He let a small smile show. His kraft dinner shifted in the small bag.

‘No problem’ I replied and wondered where his sleeping bag had gone to. I kept my head bowed.


Getting on before him I rushed to the back of the bus, still nervous about my act.

I was quickly relieved. ‘Barry!’ a young woman called out beckoning for him to sit with her, ‘I haven’t seen you in ages.’

Do you have Swine Flu? a government issued poll

8. What are the symptoms of pandemic H1N1 influenza virus?

The symptoms of pandemic H1N1 influenza virus in Canada have been generally mild, but illness can be severe for some individuals. The symptoms are similar to seasonal influenza and may include:

* Sudden onset of fever and cough; YES
* Fatigue; YES
* Muscle aches; YES
* Lack of appetite; YES
* Some people may also experience a runny nose, sore throat, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. YES

So to update you on what's going on, see above. I'm heading to the clinic shortly.

xo

Sundays are the worst

Not much happened this week in terms of events. I can happily report that the snow is gone! This weekend Ashton and I had a lazy Saturday together- made a fancy Italian dinner. Besides that, I went to work and Ashton to school. Getting all of his assignments done on time has been a struggle and I’ve had a hard time with his perceived disregard for school so a new plan was implemented that I don’t much like, but it forces him to complete everything (and it’s been working ). I proofread and edit as well as supply ideas if I can for anything related. I’ve been leaving him on his own to work, which kind of isolates me because he’s the only friend I have here.

Yesterday I went to this really old cinema called the ‘Princess Theatre’ to see the new Ricky Gervais film ‘The Invention of Lying’ while I left him to work. It reminded me of the old theatre in Renfrew, Ontario (an old converted opera house). It had Greek frescoes and molded sculptures into the sides. I sat up on the balcony and thought to myself, my God, I can’t escape my film studies background. It’s interesting because even though attending films can be a very solitary experience – you are in the dark and not encouraged to interact with others- it is a widely acceptable social experience in that you are NOT alone. You are in fact engaging with the same material as all the others around you as a temporary community. Not that this film was particularly high-brow art film, but all the same, just watching people enter and performing this social ritual. I skipped out on the popcorn and brought tea instead. (can you tell I’m dying to write more on the subject?)

So this brings me to something rather important. Since I’ve started working for the university this September, I’ve missed school. My mother has revealed that she’s shocked I’m not in school. I’ve been considering applying for my MA in film studies for the last year or so, and getting the marks to prove it. I’m now looking into taking a few film classes here to be counted towards my MA application. *the classes at u of a are not as recognizable in film as say Carleton, but regardless it will help speed up the process. I’m not sure if I’m going to get into the MA program immediately, but they have a qualifying here that fingers crossed would accept me. From being away from school, and not being a huge fan of admin work I’ve realized that going back to school would in fact be a step towards becoming me desirable for employment in my field of choice: writing. However, in order to be able to do that I need money, and the easiest way is to stay in my current job. And the film festival director job, which is already stressing me out, is definitely proof enough of how dedicated I am to the degree.

Sorry for not being as entertaining as I have been in the past weeks, I’m having a hard day. I’ve been feeling really disconnected from life in Ottawa. The church bells up the street woke me up and reminded me of zipping past parliament on my way to a gig or the market, therefore the crocodile tears came a’ tumbling.

Thinking of all of you,
- Samantha

visitors

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It’s a balmy -5 here and the snow keeps a-fallin’. At first I thought I’d have nothing to share with you as I’d just been feeling rather sad and pathetic since the beginning of the week. To sum it up: I got sick. It sucked. I missed some work. Also sucked. I have a feeling that Ashton and I’s insane vegan feast yesterday has me pretty much cured.

Curious what we had, as Vegans? I know you’re dying to find out! I still can’t believe I spent $9 on a squash here.

- Coleslaw with purple cabbage, carrots, walnuts and cranberries
- Home-made bread stuffing with apples, parsnips and white wine
- Parsnips
- Baked spaghetti squash with molasses
- Wild mushroom gravy
- Mashed potatoes with garlic and fresh dill
- Tofurkey!
- Pumpkin pie
- And…a rather large bottle of Australian white wine after being in the kitchen ALL DAY!

We’re going to be eating all of this for DAYS to come. It was all home-made and organic. We definitely had some pumpkin pie for breakfast.

Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday of the year so I was gearing up for a sob-fest. (not that I could deny that didn’t already happen this week. ) It was awesome then to be called up and for all of my extended family to yell ‘happy thanksgiving’ then promptly put the mouth piece to the accordion.

And you know what, just being able to sit and share dinner with Ashton was awesome. I know it’s a rite of passage; young couple moves out and tries to cook their first turkey. Well, tofurkey and just the whole process was enjoyable. Neither of us had ever tried to make stuffing or gravy on our own before so it was all kind of experimental. As well, neither of us have ever had a holiday dinner that we could everything of without worrying or offending anyone. Next week we’re going to a post-thanksgiving pot-luck at a fellow vegan’s home.

The weekend has been rather busy and I’m so glad I have today off after running so many errands and truth be told, getting in at 2 am last night from a gig. That much is sort of back to normal. I NEED to be able to go out to shows in order to feel ‘at home’.


We saw the Shout Out Out Out Outs on Saturday. They’re an Edmonton based synth-rock/dance band that I’ve been a fan of for quite a while. They have 2 drummers and 3 keyboardists mounted on different levels. Lots of dancing and shaking and moving. I was half-hoping that Cadence Weapon (also from Edmonton) would come out and do his song with them but at about 1:40 I called a cab.

We learned last week that gigs start super late so we hit up Walmart before so that Ashton could buy a TV!

Now, I must say, I’ve NEVER seen Ashton buy anything that wasn’t essential before. I mean, I’ll say ‘we need to get some more margerine’ and he’ll be like, ‘oh, let’s just wait til it’s on sale.’ Come on! It’s margarine! It’s essential! The television is calling to us now, begging us to spend the rest of the day on the couch watching movies.

I’m sorry Dave, I must let you go.

Hope all of your Thanksgivings were enjoyable and spent with the ones you love!

p.s so this is what it's supposed to look like here


and this is what it actually looks like

Hey, Hey, Hey!

Some observations of Albertan concerts vs. the Rest of the World (London, Montreal, Toronto, Ottawa)

- People dress the for the weather (There were not one skimpy outfit in the place, no bare shoulders even!)
- People do NOT dress up
- There WILL be cowboys
- The cowboys DO dress up for gigs, spurs, leather boots and all
- The cowboys are in fact, REAL and apparently like Indie music
- You’ll have the sudden urge to yell out ‘yeehaw’ when surrounded by said cowboys
- Age doesn’t matter! Just wear a tuque and you’ll fit in!
- They do not abide by the rule, don’t wear the t-shirt of the band you’re seeing (nerd alert!)
- The concert WILL stop to ask the score of the hockey game


So as you can tell, I went out to a concert last night. We saw folk-rock/blue-grass/R3 indie sweethearts Elliott Brood at the Starlite Room on the Jasper side. We learned quite a bit about indie shows here in Alberta. First we were told that we couldn’t enter the club until we bought a ‘membership’ which is just overt capitalism considering we spent so much just to get the tickets, but once we got in we had a security body –pat down which in ALL of the concerts I’ve been to ALL over the world, has NEVER happened. (What’s up, Edmonton?)

I also learned that unlike Ottawa or montreal, there is no bylaw in place to make sure the event is over by 11 pm. (truthfully, I’ve always liked that in that it meant I could always be home in time to get at least 6 hours of sleep). So when we showed up 9.30 we were convinced we’d have missed the opening band.

This place was in fact a HOLE in the WALL (no not an ATM, my British readers) but you walk down a dodgy back alley, up stairs and around some brick industrial area to find a hipster or two hanging out front. Interesting.

All that being said, it was a good show. I ran into a co-worker that introduced us to some friends. Again, such a different feel from all the pretensious hipster gigs I’ve been to. It’s nice though as going to live music has always been where I feel most comfortable no matter where I am. The place actually reminded me of Rescue Rooms, for those of you that know what Rescue Rooms is. (I miss it!)

Elliott Brood have this song called ‘oh, Alberta’ with lyrics that celebrate going out West but missing ‘back home, Ontario-oh-oh-oooooooooooo!’ I listened to this song a lot while packing up to move and always felt a special connection and couldn’t help but to sing along loudly. “How I long for my home, sweet, home…’


…and then the pots and pans came out. Ashton and I were right up front and so despite the purpose of the pots, pans and wooden spoons as makeshift percussion immediately after the song Ashton was like, ‘FREE KITCHENWARE!!!’ I don’t think you could have thrown out anything, save for Communist manifestos, that would have made him happier . He waved his wooden spoon gleefully as we raced out of the club to catch a cab to the other city divided.

On to other non-concert related things,

I’m fighting something right now. I woke up yesterday with the sniffles and they haven’t gone away yet. It could be because it’s SO cold here and I’m not used to such dramatic temperature changes. As I write this, the forecast says it’s likely to snow today. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As my stepfather would say, I have to make sure I’ll not leave my ‘snotrags’ around the flat. That would be such a mood killer for poor ashton!

Work is ok, I’ve had a little more to actually DO this week, but that’s not stopping me from looking around still.

I’ve agreed to be the Festival Director of the University of Alberta’s Film Festival, happening this March. This is not a paid position, but I’ve got a really fancy looking card with my name on it that got me into ALL the EIFF Film fest exclusives last weekend! I’m hoping that doing this opens a lot of doors. As it is, I’m attacking this project with intense verocity and am making some major changes. I’m hoping to make it a three-day event and have abolished the entry fee for artists. As well, I’m opening up categories to encourage new work including documentary, aboriginal, queer/GLBQT, experimental/avant garde and will be seeking beyond Canada for our ‘foreign’ film category. More to come on this still, but yes, I would be interested in doing events management as an actual career, and have since I put on my first concert.

Anyways, long post, and yet I still feel I have more to share. Email me if you want to know more!

Love and miss you guys, xo

(p.s. this post means I've officially made it one month in Cowtown!)

Things are getting better...

When I was living in the UK, every Sunday morning I would wake up, make some tea and dunk digestive cookies into it while I wrote ‘my life’ to everyone ‘back home.’ Well, I plan on doing that the same, however there are some major differences now:

1. I don’t have any Digestive cookies, I’ve since gone vegan
2. I’ve replaced my traditional Earl Grey tea with ‘Morning Thunder’ tea
3. Ahem, no hangover
4. Lastly, I’m not waking up alone

If you’ve been following before, I had been having a hard time in the last two weeks but this week things got better. Yes, dare I say it, Ashton and I made friends! We actually left our flat to socialize! He’s since had me up past my bedtime for the last three nights in a row doing cool things found only in Alberta.

Speaking of which, there has been the most insane windstorm ever going on here since yesterday morning.

My job is still kind of silly, I don’t mean to be so efficient at the few tasks I get done in such a short period of time, but I’ve realized that most likely I can get some major writing done there. I have been getting a little distracted lately though when everyone assembles by the coffee machine and talks about the weather, or Eskimos, or…? I’m grateful for the job, I honestly don’t know how long I’m going to last. I’m missing school and am seriously considering taking a creative writing class here at the uni but need to first justify the money. Something I DO need to invest in: warmer clothes!

However with this job, I’ve had a little bit of time to spend on the internet on all the sites NOT blocked, enter Couchsurfing.com. I’ve been involved in couch surfing since living in Europe. It’s this awesome network of people, travelers, bohemians, artists, all willing to invite you into their home and life for that period of time you’re in their home town. Well, they also welcome new Edmontonians I learned at their montly ‘meeting’ (read: party). Ashton and I left on a cloud so excited to have made ‘FWENDS! YAY!’

I’m going out with some of our new friends today to the Edmonton international Film festival . We’re catching the shorts series called ‘In Our Own Backyard’. The Film soc is co presenting it- more news on them and a particular festival I’ve been asked to organize later in the week.

Ashton and I saw this film on opening night. Not Quite Hollywood http://edmonton.bside.com/2009/films/notquitehollywood_edmonton2009

Ladies and gentlemen I finally did it. I finally stepped foot into ‘Alberta’s Number One Tourist Destination’… for a PUNK show. Yes, a punk show in a MALL. We went out with Ashton’s brother and friends to go see The Gaslight Anthem. They played for over 2 hours! Everyone else seemed to be into them but instead I stood there contemplating how my relation to punk rock has evolved.

Especially considering one of the opening bands and I have a bit of a history. I love The Loved Ones. And they were kind enough to think I was hot enough to get some major VIP privileges one time in Ottawa. They were actually really nice guys and I’m glad their band is still going strong.

K- I have to go wake a sleepy boy.

week 3- we're not in kansas anymore, toto

So the good news is that ashton and I finally have the internet. I’ve been feeling really disconnected from everyone and everything that is familiar(I think that’s one of the main reasons why I’m so eager to get to my new flat –its sort of a haven). Edmonton’s another country in comparison to what I’m used to- England’s been easier than this.

It’s not that Albertans’ aren’t friendly, it’s just that Ashton and I haven’t really made any new friends yet. Ashton’s in a bit of a funk right now because he wants to go to the Cuff the Duke show up the street in like an hour, but I have to work tomorrow meaning I’ll be up at 6:15 so it’s just not going to happen. We’re very much caught up in our own universe. Neither of us ever initially thought that we would live together. Though we’ve been having our differences, that’s what brings us closer together. This is the longest time I’ve ever NOT gone to a gig since I was about 16. Yeah, there have been concerts at the uni at lunch, but I’ve not been interested. I don’t know who I am lately. I feel rather boring because all I do is get up, go to work, come home go to bed.

At least now we’ve got a second bike so it’s a lot faster getting to work. I’ve really missed my friends back home lately. Wherever home is…


It seems that Fall has hit Edmonton in the last week alone. Everything has turned to a golden yellow and the leaves make a satisfying crunch when I’m wading through.

Week 2

I’m feeling pretty down. It’s been two weeks now and I’ve already accomplished everything I set as goals for myself when moving to Edmonton. I’m very tenacious and goal orientated so the question is- where do I go from here?


Lately all I do is get up, go to work, go home, go to sleep. Repeat. I never thought I would end up in a 9 to 5 type of job. I’m not the lowest of the low, but I’m down there on the totem pole. It would be very different if I was in Ottawa because I would have my friends to keep me busy after work but instead Ashton and I are existing in this little bubble. We are still getting used to seeing each other every day, and even then with our work and school commitments it can be hard to do much together. (aside from arguing who was snoring the loudest.)


Work isn’t that stimulating. I see other people running around with cool and creative jobs but instead I’m sitting there using minimal skills to stretch a project out for a whole day. Instead I finish 7 hours work in 2 hours and sit there listening to various podcasts. This was also not the job I was hired for.

It’s ridiculous. I am apparently ‘training’ the new receptionist. I need to remind you its only been 2 weeks that I’ve even been in the office. The woman keeps looking up at me like mine is the voice of God, finality, with regards to any inquiry. Working with her I realized that I was indeed WAY over-qualified for the position. Whatever.


I know that if I were to be in a coffee shopped I could forget about work after the shift and have way more flexibility. I think I’m also just coming to grips with the idea of not being a student.

Week 1 Edmonton

Things I have learned since moving to Alberta/en route to Alberta

- I have such desirable employability skills that I can get promoted in the first five minutes of starting a new job
- Throwing up at the side of the 401 is no fun
- Sleeping on the floor is also no fun
- Beware of air mattresses that promise mattress like quality- they will only end up lowering you gradually more and more to the ground.
- Dumpster diving is beneficial to everyone!
- If I follow the yellow painted footprints, they lead me to work
- There is one other Ashton at the university and he is the president of Beta Alpha Chi
- I have food issues that don’t even make sense to me
- The best samosas in Ottawa are at the Middle Eastern Bakery on Somerset and we couldn’t hold out long enough to smuggle them across the Alberta border
- Edmonton Bus transit chooses to ignore whole parts of the city, therefore a vehicle is essential.
- Coconut milk to chocolate chip cookies makes them that much yummier
- When bed shopping, try not to pass out on the floor models
- Moving in the rain across the country with all your belongings strapped into the back of a pick-up is a true test of a relationship
- Albertans do indeed say, ‘hey’ at the end of every sentence, and for that matter have very country accents
- Vegans can eat out every day, though
- The best sushi in Canada can be found in a suburb of Oshawa
- Pinning my address and telephone number to me makes getting around that much easier
- Milk crates = couch!
- If interested in finding out who my bosses are, please turn to the front cover of this magazine and this newspaper spread, and this website and this radio interview and this…
- Chips for 830 students is a LOT of chips
- 20,000 people come through my building everyday
- Security guards at pearson need to be nicer
- A bouquet of hand-picked flowers makes up for silliness

So my first week in Edmonton is almost over. I’m sitting on my brand new bed relieved to have at least one piece of furniture, though truth be told, Ashton and I have been so tired it wouldn’t matter what we slept on.

Today is labour day. It’s weird to think that this will be my first three-day weekend in quite a while- probably til Christmas? I like my job so far, though have actually been getting trained in reception until they find a new front office administrator. What I do know is that I’m rather important ;) I’m in charge of the schedules of all of the Student Union VPs, except the president who has his own assistant. Tomorrow I’ll find out more.

Our apartment is awesome! I’ve never moved into a place where I didn’t want to immediately scrub down the walls. It’s quite large with a dining room, living room plus our bedroom. We don’t have anything in furniture yet aside from the bed and some dumpster dive finds (2 coffee tables, one desk, a box full of kitchenware (!), and a chair. Oh yes, and some brand new mirrors that the university was for some reason throwing out. There are some things we’re obviously not going to dive in for, and we’ve both got money to purchase new items but not having a car seems to be a curse. Future visitors let this be known: we will have a futon!

I’ve been overwhelmed with what we need to get. It’s terrible how we NEED things to be happy. First thing on my list was a tea kettle. Ashton countered this by getting me the biggest box of Twinings Tea I’ve ever seen. I also left a lot of clothes behind and the climate is very different from Ottawa so I’m pained to realize I need to go clothes shopping. (What I REALLY want is a dresser to put away my clothes, but that will come) . I’m quite proud of everything we’ve accomplished so far. Our kitchen is set up now, we’ve everything we need and so much cupboard space. Ashton’s really excited because he can wander around and eat everything (as a vegan it’s a first). I’m now worried that he WILL eat everything ;)

What else to say… I’d like to say I’ve been thinking of all of you but I’ve been so tired that when I’m not running around I’m sleeping and making lists of things to do in my dreams.

Day 2 Edmonton

So Day 2 in Edmonton, Alberta.

Day 1 was not so smoothe sailing. I was nervous and hadn’t been able to sleep much the night before as we were to leave very early in the morning. This quickly translated to my throwing up at the side of the 401 some 5:00 a.m.

Then I was accosted by security because I had a pair of eye tweezers which apparently are considered a weapon at Pearson International. We both passed out on the plane, Ashton noticeably snoring louder than anyone else around us. I thought I would have been so much more excited to get on that plane but it was simply a means to reach the next day; the day that I began my new job.

Arriving in Edmonton Alyssa picked us up, (Ashton’s brother’s girlfriend) and then became an absolute godsend. We were worried about rent so we popped over to the bank only to discover that ALL of my money had holds on it. ALL of it. Therefore, no bed, no bedding, no food, no nothing. It was a VERY frightening concept- flying into a new city and having NOTHING and access to NOTHING. I broke down in the bank and had to be ushered into the bank manager’s office. Overexhaustion was obviously another factor. Then I discovered that water had leaked all over my laptop. The scary thing is, that situation was VERY similar to what happened to me when I first arrived in England, except that my grandmother died. Ashton and I were also just grumpy from not eating at all.

By the way- if you haven’t already gotten this I broke down a few times yesterday.
The light at the end of all of this is our apartment. It’s one block away from Whyte Avenue (like the Bank Street of Edmonton) and everything is within walking distance. Spacious with a living room, dining room, full kitchen with several closets and big sunny windows on the main floor of a walk-up. It’s just expensive building a whole new life. I’ve eaten out almost once every day since last Monday and I’m tired of it. The only solution however is to cook for ourselves which we’d LOVE to do if only we had pots, pans and other cooking supplies.

We fell asleep on an airmattress that gradually got lower and lower til we were sleeping on the beautiful caramel coloured carpet in our flat. I’m sitting on our ‘bed’ as I type this actually. It looks like a bomb went off everywhere. We only have so much but just in trying to figure out what to wear to the first day of work was messy.

That being said Day 2 = HOW DID I WHAT!?!?!

Have you ever gone into a brand new job first day and been promoted within the first five minutes of attendance? Well, that is what happened to me today. I was in shock. But I am very grateful all the same. This is a job that I’m sure many people would have been interested in but I’m not even sure of what the whole job entails! Yesterday I could count on my hand how many people I knew in Alberta alone- today I met at least 2 dozen Edmontonians.

It’s a really positive work environment and I could see myself sticking around there. This is an awesome contrast to every other job I’ve ever had where after one day, I’m ready to quit. Shit, I still need to quit my coffee shoppe job in Ontario. Well then…

Anyways, Ashton’s off buying pots and pans right now and I’m ready to pass out on my ‘bed’.

More updates will follow but right now, that’s all the entertainment that’s fit to type.

GOODBYE PARTY @ AVANT GARDE










Photos courtesy of Ming Wu Photography
www.mingwuphoto.com

August 24th- the beginning of a new life.

August 24th- the beginning of a new life.

So I’m on a train. I just passed through Brockville, the city my mum was born in. I know my grandparents on my mum’s side helped to establish the town but I’ve never much been there.
It was funny leaving Ottawa this morning. It was eerily similar to whenever I’d leave by night cover in Europe. The green hills and random industrial areas look the same. The rising sun, the same as the one I saw over the Penines going into London.

I’ve actually never been on a train in Canada before. I imagine this makes me either a seasoned traveler or posh elitist; the last time I was on a train was in Africa. Or just the tube. It seems only suiting that my European friends happen to be the ones online I’m talking to right now.
Today marks the first day of a new life. Our life. The future is mysterious though I know I will be with Ashton. I went to bed a bit sick last night and woke up to a song that’s ridden with negativity. Was this a sign?

Trains in themselves have followed me my whole life. Whenever I would go to my grandmother’s cottage we’d always lift our feet over the rail or just sit back and count the cars whenever we couldn’t beat them. My mother is finally excited for me and this opportunity. We went to tea at the Renfrew Tea House on the weekend and it was apparent how proud and happy she is for me now.

I wonder if I’ll look any different to Ashton. I wonder if he’ll look different. I wonder how these last 8 weeks have changed us. Most people love the summer but I’ve been praying for the end of it just to be with him.

The train announces my arrival. Loudly, it whistles.

New job! new life!

So things have finally fallen into place. After quite possibly the shittiest summer ever – ignoring my rendez-vous in England and Edmonton (funny, both beginning with ‘e’)- life is looking up.

I’ve five days left and counting until I get to see my love. Exactly 14 days til I begin my new job. Yes, last week I graduated from university, the next week I get offered my first ‘real’ job. ‘Hello Samantha, this is – from the Student Union, we would like to offer you the job.’ I felt like I had won the lottery. Once I had graciously, though noticeably excited accepted their offer, I started to bounce up and down screaming in my flat like a 3 year old at Christmas.

I could not contain my excitement when I was offered the position today after interviewing for it (via Skype) only hours beforehand. My biggest concern was her telling me I was ‘way overqualified’ for the position, but all of my preparation, research and talking away to myself about my strengths and weaknesses all came together and now, I couldn’t be happier.

Just yesterday Ashton finally found us a ‘home’. It’s about a block away from Whyte Avenue, which is like Bank Street in Ottawa. It’s a standard one-bedroom in a walk-up but we’re thrilled to be together. This is the post about numbers it seems. When I was packing earlier this week I found a ticket stub from the first night Ashton and I became a couple. The Vagina Monologues- March 7th, 2009. This has been the longest relationship that I’ve been in in over 2 years. The sad thing is however is that our time has been limited ever since then. We’ve seen each other twice since the beginning of May (but for week(s) at a time. It’s been 7 weeks now and it sucks.

On to more non-relationship related topics. I had the opportunity to go to my friend Mike’s cottage in Val Des Monts with about 20 of my closest college friends last weekend. It was kind of cathartic though as so many of us are leaving for other places- be it Montreal, Toronto or Australia and Ethiopia. As happy as I was to get to see them, I had to remove myself several times in an attempt to sort out how I was feeling. Everyone is growing up with such big goals and plans for the future. It’s thrilling but difficult to digest at times. These are the people that I used to send out songs to on my old radio show and bounce around in the mosh pit at punk rock shows. Now they have full degrees, partners and so much potential to achieve all of their dreams it’s quite intimidating. I feel blessed to have such wonderful and supportive friends. It was absolutely beautiful the entire weekend and I have an awkward burn to prove it. I kayaked out to the middle of the lake with Tyler and we were both sad to realize it could be the last chance we’d have for a long while to hang out just the two of us. Then he farted and everything was back to normal.

I’m really proud of myself today. I’ve accomplished what I set out to do and now I’m ready to begin a life with my partner in Edmonton. Life is pretty damn good today.

Kitchen Clean-up

I’m having a bit of an anxiety attack. I’m sitting on my kitchen floor, back to the god-awful blue coloured cupboards and I’m not sure if I should continue.

There’s a bin now for donations, several boxes of kitchen stuff and then my one box for shipping that I keep adding to. Looking at my scrawled handwriting on the side to label the boxes I was sort of taken aback. The muffin tins that I had brought with me I had in fact used many times. The 19 year old version of me never would have made muffins. Neither would she have used as many baking pans or value her favourite spatula like I do now. Or have possessive tendencies about the 1950s radio always positioned in whatever kitchen is attached to my living quarters.
Everytime I run over with an addition the thought is, it’s for ‘our’ life. Not just me anymore. The white flowered pot that I remember my mother always using for Kraft Dinner is in that bin. Then again, there are some brown coloured glass pots that I plan on giving away. They were some of the first things I ever had in my first real apartment. I can only recall roommates using those particular ones now.

The two teapots were both gifts, one bestowed upon me by my mother again hoping to have tea dates. The other a rarity from Chinatown given by my old friend Tyler.

I always have anxiety attacks when packing the kitchen it seems. The first time it was because I was actually entitled to be in the kitchen. Today I’m waiting for my little mouse friend to come scampering by and check up on me.

It’s almost like a divorce, what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is yours. Mariel and I have become confused over such items. She’s leaving behind quite a bit too.

When I was travelling in Europe I had peculiar habit, one that I know overweight American and French tourists to do- collecting magnets. These magnets are a source of pride. Some of the lovely messages friends have left on the fridge thanks to our dirty british poetry magnets include these gems- “make boys do me” and “get in to mate” , and “coffee + curry = bathroom”
I collected in each country I visited them with the intention of, well, I might as well tell you now. You know when someone spends the night and the next day goes to have a drink of whatever, they have to be confronted by the fridge. And let me just say, my fridge is awesome.

Now’s the time I share what Mariel and I have been recording all year in our lovely little flat on Somerset Street West.

Car Accidents- 5 (though scribbled underneath is ‘ashton saw 2 on July 7th’)
Murders -1 (this happened up the street)
Mice- 3
Fights Witnessed – 5
Blow –up Dolls discovered- 1
Guns discovered- 1
Lost Keys- 2
Incidents of Blondeness – 10
Fires- 3
Number of Times the cops have come to our Apartment- 1
Arrests Witnessed- 4
Personal Breakdowns – 3
Times hit on by Bums- 7
Plague/Natural Disaster – 6
Parades outside our windows- 2
Attempted Assault and/or Theft- 5
Number of times approached as prostitutes- 4
Wine Glasses Broken- 13
Photoshoots - 2
Number of times broken into- 0

There’s another sheet of things we’ve infamously announced and seemed worthwhile to record but a lot of it is highly inappropriate or just downright embarrassing now.

I would not be the same person now had I not moved into this flat in October last year. Relationships would not have occurred the same, I’m convinced. The amount of socializing with all the clubs being just up the street, also pretty intense.

Anyways, I’ve calmed down some and have to finish packing before my ride is here.

End of July update

So my flatmate said something really profound today that kind of flew my mind, ‘in one month I’m going to be living in Montreal- I’m going to be beginning a whole new life.’ It made me realize that for one needed a drink because in exactly one month I would be packing up the last of my things to move out West with my boyfriend. We’d be beginning our life together in even less time.

We just found out that he had been accepted to study at U of A and couldn’t be happier. Both of our lives have sort have been in limbo waiting for this glorious news. I screamed on the phone in excitement and apparently my reaction alone was more crazy than Ashton’s own! Only a week back, or so, we had decided that regardless, we’d be moving out together out West as there were so many job opportunities and despite it being the most Northern urban centre before hitting the territories, Edmonton has a lot to offer in terms of alternative culture. (I’ve never been to a more vegan-friendly city!)

I feel like a bit of a jerk though. I’ve been re-hired by Bridgehead but have yet to tell them my plans and the agreement was that if hired, I would have to share anything related to oh, let’s say, running off to Europe for weeks at a time. And they’ve increased my wage on top of that! I’m actually so much better off away from the initial location I’m at. I’m moving yes, but Bridgehead is so eco-friendly that there aren’t even any boxes for me to pack things in. My living room is littered with boxes everywhere. Ashton has to deal with his crazy girlfriend shipping little things like my kitchen radio and shower curtain. Little things that bring me comfort and offer a sense of familiarity to my surroundings. I’m worried someone will show him photos of my flat in the UK- I had so much crap up everywhere just to make the space feel like ‘my own’. I’ll probably pack a stuffed animal too. Yes, I’m 23 and packing a little doggy.

Ashton’s already been there since May. He loves it and loves his job there even more. In fact, he was just interviewed by a local radio station about it yesterday.

I’m not going to be going to school in the Fall. This is the first time ever that I won’t be enrolled. I’m awaiting Fall graduation from Carleton (English and Film Studies). I’ve been post-secondary now for 8 years and think a year away will help me figure out if I want to go for my Masters. In the mean time, I’ve set my goals upon working for the University of Alberta. It’s funny how your life starts to echo your parents. The similarities in my case are eerie to say the least. I’ve applied for several administrative positions within the Student government and different departments. Oddly enough, I’m quite qualified for many of them having 2 years of university administration experience on top of that ol’ Secretarial Studies program I took when I was 16.

I’m still pursuing writing as much as possible, but as many of you know, my life has not been stable lately, and while normally that would fuel my manic inspirations, I’ve just taken to crying instead. (Don’t feel sorry, this is just how I’m coping.) Some good news on the front though- a short story that I’ve written is being published in The Moose & Pussy Magazine. It’s a sex erotica arts magazine that I’ve been a fan of since its inception. I was also enrolled to participate in an alternative culture radio program but because of how radical it was/is there was some difficulty in finding a home, and now that I’m leaving, I’d be stuck doing random freelance pieces. Amongst all of this madness, I don’t know how likely it is I’ll be able to contribute.

A lot of my friends have recently moved away. I said goodbye to my dear friend Alex whom I met in England because of High Soc and ended up adopting into my extended family. I went to my friend Marc’s goodbye party last night too. He’s moving off to my favourite city in Poland (Krakow) after years of talking of living and teaching there. Arkto, Marc!

So many people are moving away. I am too, but the intention is to return after one year. I still get a little intimidated whenever Ashton starts talking that far into the future. I have my moments where I’m like, you want to spend a year with me in Edmonton… like together!? I feel so lucky to have him in my life. I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for someone I truly loved this much. Just being near him makes me so happy. I’m confident we’ll be able to make a life for ourselves together there. He’s apartment hunting now.

I’m going to miss my friends and family terribly, but at least this time I’m in the same country! Only a two hour time difference but with any luck I’ll have a 9-5 type of job so you can call me, darlings ;)
I’ve only got so much longer here in Ottawa. A bunch of jobs I’ve applied for have closing date the first week of August so if I’m offered any interviews, I’ll be flying out immediately.

Anyways, I have yet another early morning of making lattes and serving muffins to the workers of Ottawa so I must bid you all adieu, and fight the urge of quoting The Sound of Music.

All the best,
- Samantha

plan of action

So the idea is that I will be moving out West this coming Fall and getting a 'real' job.

My ideal 'real job' would be working for an alternative weekly so I've been in the process of trying to get as much Canadian writing experience as possible.

This past Spring I self published a book of poetry entitled 'Somerset Street West and 'Love'" about failed love affairs and the madness that encompasses my neighbourhood. So far it's been well received in both Canada and the UK.

I have been published in various independent magazines in America (Alternative Music Press- interviews with Moneen and Misery Signals), in the UK (The Mic interviews with Stars, Caribou and Minus the Bear, as well as my own online zine when I was 18 in which I interviewed and wrote about whatever was of interest. In Canada most recently I have been featured in the university international student magazine describing my experience of living abroad and in fact while I was away began work on my own book of the same subject. (which may or may not see the light of day)

This past Fall I began writing on the subject of film with relation to my degree. The ones I was most satisfied with were The Male Gaze in Wall-E- The Perversion of a Little Robot and the Misogynistic Representation of Women in Romantic Comedies using He's Just Not That Into You and Pillow Talk.

Additionally, I have much experience in Radio DJ'ing and have just been hired on to co-host a counter-cultural radio show in which I will have the opportunity to do some on-air journalism beyond just interviews. (I'm excited about this)

This past May I even co-hosted the Craig Norris Hour on CBC 3. That would be a dream job but with all the recession cuts, I have to work quite hard to get anything beyond an internship with them. Plus, they're based out of Vancouver, and I'll be in Edmonton.

Cheers and thanks for reading :)

I will be sending poetry, prose and ideas to:

- In Words (carleton poetry magazine)
- The Moose and Pussy (Ottawa sex lit magazine)
- Upfront
- Iheartmusic
- Cokemachineglow
- and whatever else I possibly can

I'm looking into registering in some writing workshops as well to further challenge me. I just returned back to Canada and was writing quite a bit while away but I'm not sure how good any of that is as it was more self-meditative than entertaining.

Strawberry Chocolate Cake Clown Face (unfinished)

Strawberry chocolate cake created to distract me from thoughts of real life, reality and responsibilities. A replacement of the three ‘r’s. Not quite the grade school lesson reflected in sound.

The bells are ringing for high society ladies. Too bad homeless people try to steal my bike. They make faces at me like that clown who kept repeating, ‘I’m gonna getcha! I’m gonna getcha!’ Gloved hands outstretched ducking past. Still able to ignite fear and queesiness at age 22. Dirty hands haunt dreams and memories of unnaturally orange hair.

Knatted with birthday cake honk the nose and continue.

Leftovers Inspire Prose

The leftovers in the fridge are smelly reminders of you. Your favourite sauces half emptied squished between the expired ketchup. Remember the purple ones when we were little? There was something wrong with a flavor being identified with colour. Orange is orange, that’s a given. Purple equates to what exactly? Setting the standard for artificiality in the young ones.


Even the Tupperware you left is marked with chili stains. I always hated to scrape off the molding parts, though truth be told, it took me weeks to finally toss it.

When we first broke up I had to throw away the food you bought me. It was ridden with association. Organic apples got chucked into the garbage. I could have tasted the guilt of your acts.

Cooking as a means of seduction you first invited me over for food. Dough from scratch you kneeded it expertly showing off the movements of your skilled hands. Twisting and grinding. Mashing and pounding. Just enough spice to make it taste right. Preheating for [culinary] pleasure.

Bun in the oven. 45 minutes is all it took. Rise.

Rise up from your kitchen and come into the bedroom conveniently located right off of it. Hearing your roommates cook and stumble drunken into it late at night we held each other. Rubbing ginger and vinegar on our skins. Paper fragility of an onion to be peeled roughly until (pre-cum) leakage. Cut, cut, damn.

Mixed into the soup, blood. Toss more curry powder in to disguise the putridity. Salt was used in the middle ages to do that to spoiled meat. Good thing neither of us dine on that carnal sin. Mrs. Nesbits Meat Pies. Jack the Ripper would have something to say about that. Never to be seen, his crimes hidden in the crust. You choose dust instead.

Garbage never taken out, stench from across the house. Cat piss and rotten salad. Styrophone containers half hazardly tossed on top, you’d bitch about the waste. Ecological footprint your socks are always dirty. Never to disintegrate you’d compost them instead.

Reaching into the depths of the fridge things are growing even without your presence. I’d pull out too early, forgetting about you. Science projects with minds of their own. Gagging upon opening, similar to first eating you. No entrees we’d dined together on vegetables and rice. Pure in intentions we’d fuck on the kitchen table. In front of the maintenance guy across the street peering in.

That rag smelled like wet dog. Why you’d touch it, I don’t know. You’d smell like dog in the morning. Drooling just as much a pool of garlic, no wait, pussy breath. You complained that day that your hand smelled of sex. Your own fault for reaching down before breakfast.
Not so sanitary your hands would be cleansed with Sunlight lemon dish detergent. Doing the washing up they say. Special knives for parsnip patties and cutting boards never big enough. Big enough that it fit.

You’d feed the masses if you could but in the meantime you’d feed your lovers tidbits of soy and French wine from exes. Drain the bottle. Suck it dizzy dry. Glasses disappear with each passing night. Red elipsor ring on your lips. Ring around the rosey. A pocket full of dirty and rocks shoved down your front pouch.

Traveling across the country we’d land in another kitchen, oil splattered the same and burned flesh to where you had to caress to forget the pain. Suck on it hard and eye the sore. Fan and heat beating down on bodies weighed down with famine.

Fingers sunk into rotting fruit. A red pepper bent and mangled to the elements that preserved it. Seeds spilling out, no longer good, exposed. You try to salvage its meat to cook together. Scraping and stuffing it back turned hunched over a dark corner. Ignoring the microwave a Wok replaces life giving.

Breakfast of flesh is that of champions. We’d fuck til we were both winners. Juice in the morning. Drinking deep that sweetness followed by black tea and marmalade. Crunchy toast crumbs pissed you off eating on dotted sheets.

Scrubbing the potatoes clean the dirt would run down the drain. Thermostat is messed up so fresh things are freezing. Who’d want to bite down on that? I toss out the rest of your Tupperware experiments and close the humming fridge. Heat generating a soft pool my foot is wet. I slip.